Customer Service from the Heart: The Importance of Empathy

Kristin Robertson, KR Consulting, Inc.

September, 2004 

Customer Service from the Heart is service that is delivered with care, with empathy and yes, even with love.  We know that this kind of service has positive effects on the bottom line of the companies that model, train and encourage their employees in service from the heart.  Companies that truly care for their customers are generally more profitable than those that don’t.

Empathy is an important component of Customer Service from the Heart.  Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes and walk a mile.  It’s the ability to imagine what it might be like to experience what the other person is.  My friend Susan Long knew about empathy.  When she was a Software Support representative, customers would call her with very simple technical questions.  She empathized with them by imagining how she would feel if she had to change the oil on her car by herself.  She knew nothing about auto mechanics - this was not her area of expertise.  Susan figured she would have to call the mythical 1-800-Fix-a-Car and ask dumb questions about changing the oil.  That’s empathy.

Empathy is essential in dealing with customers who are upset or angry. 

It’s important to understand how the human brain works when we are highly emotional.  The human brain is a complex organ, and scientists don’t yet comprehend all its mysteries.  But we are beginning to map many of the brain’s functions and systems.  We know that the Limbic System of the brain is both a primitive and powerful brain component.  It is primitive in that it is evolutionarily no more sophisticated than the brain of an amphibian, such as a turtle.  This “Turtle Brain” controls emotions in humans, and is very powerful.  When someone is emotional, they are being controlled by their Turtle Brain.

When you are upset or very angry, are you able to think clearly?  Generally, we are not able to reason well when we are in the throws of extreme emotions.  This is because the Turtle Brain is a bully, and completely dominates the other part of the brain, called the neocortex, that governs our reasoning ability.  It takes effort on the part of the emotional person to wrest control of the brain from the Turtle Brain and let the neocortex, or rational brain, take over.  The passage of time helps this process, along with deep breathing and other means of self-regulation.  As service providers, we can calm an angry customer by hastening the process of passing control of the customer’s brain from the limbic system (Turtle Brain) to the neocortex (rational brain).  The technique that accomplishes a transfer of brain power is empathy.  Expressing empathy to an upset person absorbs the emotion, allowing the agitated person to think more logically. 

This deserves repetition:

Empathy Absorbs Emotion!

What’s in it for you as a service provider to empathize with a customer?  Empathy can actually make the interaction with the emotional customer go more quickly, with improved results.  Empathy allows you to connect with your customer, establish rapport and create a sense of teamwork between the two of you.  Once the customer realizes that you are on their side, they are more willing to work with you to fix the problem, or will allow you the time to resolve the issue.  This makes the resolution process go more quickly because you are working together with the customer.  And, the cooperation of the customer ensures that the resolution will be better.

Empathizing is easy to do, once you know how.  You can verbally express empathy with short statements that create the rapport that you seek with customers.  Simply put, you acknowledge the emotion that the customer feels.  Here are some examples of empathy statements:

Warning:  If the above statements are not delivered with sincerity in both your face and your voice, you run the risk of appearing to mock the customer, and the situation will become even worse than if you’d said nothing!  This can be a challenge when confronted with an unsophisticated customer who has done something that may strike you, the seasoned expert, as funny.  Needless to say, laughing at the customer is never advisable.  Instead, you put on your most professional, respectful demeanor and empathize with the customer, saving choice words for later when you can laugh with your buddies about it.

You know what to do once you’ve empathized with the customer.  You proceed to do what you do best, which is to fix the problem for the customer. 

Using empathy with customers can be difficult for some of us to remember to do.  It can feel very unnatural at first, but with a few successes under your belt, you’ll feel the power of this technique.  Until then, here are some stickers with reminder empathy statements.  Print them on sheets of Avery form #5160 labels and affix them to your computer, telephone and bulletin board – anywhere you might look while you’re on the phone or serving customers - to remind you to use empathy statements.  There are enough on the page to share them with nine of your co-workers.  Or, you can fill the page with your own unique empathy statements.  Have fun making up your own and see how well empathy statements work for you!

Kristin Robertson, President of KR Consulting, Inc., is a consultant and trainer to the Help Desk and Technical Support profession.  She helps companies increase the efficiency of their support center, save money, and increase their customer loyalty.  As both a consultant and trainer, she has worked with companies such as 7-Eleven, Southwest Airlines, Hewlett Packard, Blockbuster and Washington Mutual.  Kristin can be reached at 817-577-7030, or krisrob@krconsulting.com